If true tales of a suicide attempt activates in detrimental triggers in your psyche, you may not want to read this post.
(Photo credit: Ragesh Vasudevan)
Not a lot of people know this, but back in 1995, I attempted suicide.
The year is important because it is the year that I gave birth to my first child.
In fact, the birth is most likely the cause of the attempt.
You see, it is believed that I was suffering from postpartum depression.
After giving birth, life got to be too much for me.
The child got to be too much for me.
The bills got to be too much for me.
The in-laws got to be too much for me.
The husband got to be too much for me.
I felt like a failure.
And in the middle of an argument with my spouse, I went in the bathroom, grabbed a bottle of aspirin, and swallowed.
Then I proceeded to throw the bottle in the face of my husband (over an argument that I can’t even remember any of the details) and laid down in my bed with my hand in the cradle of my newborn baby and prepared to die.
I don’t know how long I lay there while my family debated whether I had really taken the pills or if I was faking it for attention.
But deciding to err on the side of caution, an ambulance was called.
My next memories are of a doctor grilling me on what I had taken.
A tube being none to gently thrust down my throat.
The grueling feeling and taste of the charcoal been pumped into my system.
A psychologist talking to me about all that I had to live for.
And finally, my crying and begging to go home.
To go home to my precious newborn son.
Who needed me.
And, apparently, I needed him.
Because despite the birth being weeks before, the day that I attempted suicide actually was the day that I became a Mother.
I had never had a thought of suicide prior to this incident.
And I have never had another thought of suicide since.
I was, and am, a cry a little then pick yourself up and keep it moving type of gal.
Hormones, though, they are a bitch.
So, what do I get out of writing this article.
Well, for one, I am publicly acknowledging that my oldest child saved my life.
Second, to let pregnant women know to keep an eye out for signs of depression even after the baby is born.
And, to let those around a woman who has just given birth to keep an eye out for any signs of depression.
Even in the woman who has never before exhibited any signs of depression.
In fact, all that spoiling you did while Mom was still pregnant…yeah, do more of that.
If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273- (8255). It is free and confidential.
~Queen Katrina of the Crooked Halo
USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.